Drowning
by Cut-Wrist Kate
Summary: Hogwarts has a swim team and Severus Snape is the coach. What happenes when Harry pushes himself to hard? Warnings: selfmutilation, slash...confetti SSHP


**A/N: **I know that I already technically have a story like this but that is because it is the same story with a new ending. This is literally replacing the old one. The ending was too rushed so I fixed it. Hope you enjoy. And a note to Lenora, I am very sorry that I didn't come through with my promise to let you beta but someone else much closer to home offered and it was done within an hour. Terribly sorry.

**Title: **Drowning  
**Author:** Cut-Wrist Kate  
**Disclaimer: **I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR…she is a goddess. I am making no money from this.  
**Pairings: **HP/SS

**Warnings:**…Mentions of abuse and rape, self-mutilation. Near death experiences and slash … and confetti….

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Everyday was like the one before, he had gotten used to it; he had fallen into a routine. Now as he was on the train to Hogwarts for his sixth year he ran his hands over the numerous scars littering his body through his clothes. They ran from wrist to shoulder on both arms, from hip to ankle on both legs and from the base of his neck to his hips on the front. The only place on him that wasn't completely marred by scars were his back and face. Even the palms of his hands were littered with small crescent moon shaped scars from digging his nails into the soft flesh.

Feeling the scars through his clothes helped to calm him as the memories ran through his mind slowly driving him insane. Even though he was looking around the compartment all he could see was his uncle advancing on him, whipping him, yelling at him, raping him in hopes of discouraging his "freakish desires." As time passed Harry began to believe that wanting men was wrong and disgusting and so, whenever he would feel attracted to another man or awaken from a wet dream involving another man he would cut himself therefore, judging by the extreme amount of scars littering his body, we can assume that this form of heeling wasn't working.

Over the course of the summer he, Hermione and Ron had grown apart, Ron and Hermione had finally become a couple and no longer felt the need to be friends with Harry, add in the fact that Harry had slowly become more and more distant over the last year it was just easier for them to go their separate ways. So there Harry sat, alone, thinking of himself as an abnormal freak of nature.

Over the summer he had changed the way he looked physically through clothing as well. He now gravitated towards darker themes and he grew his hair out to about his waist. As it grew it became more manageable so it was now sleek and shiny instead of being a crazy rat's nest. As soon as he stepped foot on the train he spelled his eyes to be able to see without his glasses. As a result of that his eyes were that much more brilliant and glowing, now, however, they glowed with sadness and disgust instead of the happiness they did in his earlier years at Hogwarts.

As he walked into the Great Hall and sat at the closest seat to the doors while Dumbledore stood to begin the speech. It began as normal but then he said something that shocked the whole of the school to the core. Quiditch was cancelled this year and it was to be replaced with an inter-house swimming competition, there would be short and long distance competitions throughout the year and the Seekers of the Quiditch teams were automatically placed on the team because of their build. It was ideal for swimming. Unfortunately everyone would have to try out. Unlike with Quiditch where there was a captain for every team there will be only one captain for the entire school and it would be none other that the Potions professor, Severus Snape.

Although Harry was listening he wasn't paying attention, only when the entire room began to shake with the force of the anger being displayed did he go into his memory and replay what Dumbledore had just said, but for the life of him he couldn't force himself to be angry, he was simply resigned to the fact that instead of flying around on a broom looking for a tiny golden ball, he would now be swimming and swimming trying to reach a certain goal before the others did. A small selection of students and teachers seemed slightly shocked that he hadn't been among the protestors. Instead he just sat there calmly waiting for the food to appear so he may keep up the pretences that he eats. As the commotion died down and things went on as before Harry calmly used magic to make it look like he was eating much more that he was. As was natural for him, he ate with his hair being used as a curtain hiding him from the world and allowing him a small semblance of privacy.

Dinner ended without any more problems and Harry walked slowly up to the common room. He stopped in front of the portrait and barely whispered the password, which was now _Cogito Ergo Sum, _which translates to 'I think, therefore I am.' He walked in, ignoring the looks from his classmates and continued up to the dorms. There he changed and went to bed. He wasn't worried about classmates seeing his scars because he used a glamour spell constantly that allowed him to still see and feel them, but no one else.

Days past without anything of importance happening. Ron constantly snuck Hermione up to the boys' dorm, well, he thought he was sneaking but everyone knew that she was there. Lavender Brown accidentally set her hair on fire while trying to spell it blond and Neville had succeeded in destroying three cauldrons in the first week. That was the extent of the excitement. Harry went to all of his classes and excelled in all of them, even Potions. Now that he had no friends and nothing else to distract him he was able to put all of his concentration into school.

One evening during dinner a school owl landed in front of him. The letter simply told him that the first swimming practice would occur that evening one hour after dinner at the Black Lake. He continued to sit there for another twenty minutes before standing and heading up to the common room to wait. When the time finally came for him to leave he walked down to the lake and spotted Professor Snape standing there waiting impatiently even though technically Harry was early.

"Well Potter, in case you haven't noticed, you normally need a bathing suit if you plan on going swimming. Unless of course you were planning on not wearing anything at all which I highly doubt you were."

"Sorry sir. I don't exactly have swim wear…"

Snape sighed and transfigured a handkerchief into a pair of swim trunks that would fit Harry. "You can change in the old Quiditch locker rooms but I expect you back here in" he looked at a pocket watch he had just summoned out of thin air "five minutes. Go."

Harry knew that the consequences for being late would be severe so he took off running and changed as quick as humanly possible in order to be back on time. It seems that fate was smiling on him for once and he made it back with twenty seconds to spare.

"If you don't mind my asking sir, where is everyone else?"

"We are to begin with individual sessions so we may evaluate your swimming abilities. Well…what are you waiting for? Get. In."

Harry turned and waded slowly into the water until he was up to his waist. He then turned and looked questioningly at Snape.

"I want you to begin swimming and I don't want you to stop until you feel you can no longer continue. Then I want you to turn around and come back. I will know if you plan it so you will be able to swim back. I want you to swim and swim and swim until you feel as if you will pass out from exertion, then turn back. Go."

Harry took a deep breath and began to swim. Snape hopped onto a broom and began to follow silently behind, evaluating his technique. He followed silently as Harry swam, non stop at least two and a half miles out before he called down and told him that was sufficient and he could turn back. Unfortunately for him Harry wasn't listening, he just continued to swim as if he didn't hear a word Snape said.

Harry had gone into a kind of trans and he continued to swim no longer feeling the cold and night began to fall or the water around him, he continued to swim for another five miles before Snape saw him slow down and slowly start sinking down under the water. He realized that Harry had actually swum until he could literally swim no more and passed out from the exertion. He dived down and grabbed him and turned and sped back to shore.

He landed roughly in his haste and quickly began to pump the still boy's chest before brining his lips to Harry's and breathing into the boy's lungs. This routine happened three more times before Harry coughed up all the water in his lungs and looked blearily at Snape whispering a light "Wha…?" before succumbing to unconsciousness. Now that Snape knew that he wasn't going to die he let out a small sigh of relief. He hadn't expected to boy to take his orders quite so literally. He looked down at the still body lying prone in front of him and it was then that he noticed the scars that littered the entire body. Upon closer inspection they seemed to be too symmetrical to be caused by someone else unless that someone were obsessive compulsive so logic pointed towards self-mutilation.

Realizing that young Harry's lips were beginning to turn blue from the cold he quickly stood and levitated him to his own personal quarters. Before he entered the castle he thought to put a Notice-Me-Not charm on Harry's body so as not to arouse chaos and suspicion. Through the winding corridors and down the many flights of stairs he luckily came across no students but that was mostly due to the fact that it was almost curfew. Stopping at a portrait of a hysterical Mary Magdalene sobbing at the feet of a crucified Jesus he muttered the password 'Aconite.' As the portrait opened to reveal a doorway he stepped into the main living area, which was colored with simple contrasting shades. The walls were black, the furniture was white and the floor and ceiling were both colored gray.

He levitated Harry over to the couch that sat against the wall facing the fireplace before first, transfiguring his wet swimming clothes into a pair of warm gray sweat pants and a white wife beater shirt. He then covered him with a thick black fleece blanket. He sat on a comfortable chair angled so he could see mostly Harry but also some of the fireplace as well. He settled himself down with one of his favorite books, David Copperfield by a muggle author by the name of Charles Dickens. An hour past before Harry gave any signs of living.

Groaning he shifted ever so slightly on the couch and slowly opened his eyes. "Wha…? Where am I?" He asked in a slightly hoarse voice due to the coughing he had done earlier. Snape looked up from his book and began to mark his place. "You are in my quarters Potter. How are you feeling, do you have a headache?" He asked, wondering how the near drowning had affected him. Harry sat up on the couch facing Snape. He cocked his head to the side as if evaluating his body. After a moment or two he spoke, voice still sounding scratchy. "My head hurts a bit as does my chest but other than that I feel fine sir. Thank you for saving me. I hope I wasn't to much of an inconvenience."

As Harry listed the things that hurt Snape had stood and walked to a cabinet on the wall, pulling out a potion. "Nonsense Potter, do you honestly think I would let you into my quarters and sleep on my couch if you were an inconvenience? Now drink this, it's a mild pain reliever." Harry took the potion and swallowed it gratefully. "Thank you sir." They sat in silence for a while before Snape decided it was high time to break it. "Potter, why did you take me words so seriously and actually swim until you passed out?" Harry sighed and leant back into the couch. He looked down at his hands seeming to try and find a way to put what he felt and thought into words.

"I guess…I kind of got lost in the simplicity and the repetitive motion and I was sucked into the my thoughts and I completely forgot that I was even swimming I was just so lost. I vaguely remember hearing you tell me that I could stop but I just brushed it off. It was like I was in a different world were nothing mattered but the steady stroke of my arms and my lungs breathing in and out. I thought that if I stopped swimming my heart would stop beating and that the only way to survive would be to keep moving, keep going, keep pushing my self harder and harder…" Harry's eyes had taken a glazed look as he spoke and he seemed to stare off into space. He shook his head and his eyes focused on Snape again.

"I see, now, Mr. Potter, are you aware that when a witch or wizard falls unconscious all minor spells being held in place by them are destroyed?" Snape looked at Harry in the eye as he began to panic slightly. He pulled the blanket up around his shoulders, successfully hiding all of his scars and scabs from view. "Judging by your immediate reaction to hide your body from view I assume that you did indeed not know of that fact. I have seen every one of your scars Mr. Potter and unless you are ashamed of them I see no reason for you to continue to hide them from my view."

Harry's eyes produced a feeble glare as he let the blanket fall once more to rest around his waist. He ran a hind down his arm slowly, feeling the bumps there before he turned his eyes to Snape. "What are you going to do?" He asked. Snape sighed once more and leaned back.

"I am going to keep you here. Don't bother to refuse or complain because you and I both know that Dumbledore will not object to this arrangement. I am going to teach you all of your classes and Dumbledore will just have to find a replacement for me until further notice. You are not to leave these rooms unless told and I will decide when you are able to go back to classes. We will dine in here, learn in here and we will talk in here. You and I, for two hours at least each evening, are going to talk, you may decide the topic sometimes but if I find that you are avoiding topics that need to be covered I will bring them up. Don't worry, you will not be the only one talking, I will share with you my thoughts, opinions and my past if you do the same. I also want you to know that anything and everything discussed here is not and will not leave these rooms. You will sleep here on the couch tonight and I will get your belongings from Gryffindor Tower. Tomorrow you and I will clean out the storage room, so that you may sleep there, without magic. The physical work will do you good. You may not enter my bedroom or my personal Potion's Lab without explicit permission but you may read any book you deem worth your time. Now, I am going to talk to the Headmaster. Please, don't to anything foolish while I am away."

Snape stood and walked out to door leaving Harry sitting on the couch with nothing to do but look around. He was sitting on a white couch that was facing a fireplace. On either side of the couch slightly in front and angled to face him more than the fire where two more white chairs. Directly in front of him was a white coffee table. On the wall to his right was an enormous bookcase that held at least a thousand books. On the wall to his left were a series of doors. Not willing to give up his life quite yet he didn't check to see what was behind each door, instead he stood and walked to the bookcase, examining it, trying to find a book that caught his eye. He saw many titles and authors that he recognized and he saw that most of the books were muggle. When he saw a book that his cousin had been complaining about he instantly became interested. He pulled it off the shelf and took a closer look. It had a plain white cover and there was nothing written on the back. On the front the title was written in bold black in the center and under that was the author's name. 'The Catcher in the Rye; J.D. Salinger.' Curious he brought it back to the couch and began to read.

When Snape finally returned Harry had just started to read the final chapter so instead of looking up or even acknowledging that he had entered the room he simply ignored him in favor of finishing that last page. He read the final words, 'don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody' He closed the book and looked up. He saw Snape smirking down at him. "Did you enjoy that book, Potter?" Snape sat down and Harry could tell that he didn't want a one-word answer. Harry stood and put the book back at its proper place on the shelf before returning to his place on the couch. He looked at Snape in the eye.

"Yes, the way it was written, the grammar and the obsessive repetition annoyed me at first and for most of the book but I realized that it was necessary so that you could become fully immersed in the way Holden's mind worked. His confusion and yet easy understanding of his own moods and opinions is rarely found and it really draws you in. The way such simple things could quickly and easily depress him but also another thing that is just as small and unnoticeable could cheer him up to no end, well…it really made you think. If that was just two days in his life imagine what a month would be like or even a week. It puts things into a startling form of reality. When you finish reading you are torn between feeling depressed and elated…" Snape smiled a smile, that even though it wasn't _really _a smile it wasn't a smirk either.

"It seems that you too have been touched by the wonders of The Catcher in the Rye. I first read that book when I was around your age. I must say I went into quite a funk afterwards… it's hard to believe that simply living two days in someone else's life can change your own so drastically. Well, it is all set with the Headmaster and it is getting late. You should sleep." He stood and began to walk towards the second door away from Harry. "Oh, and that door," he pointed to the one closest to Harry, "is the bathroom. Good night, Potter." Harry lay back down on the couch. "Good night Sir."

His night was not good, nor sweet, nor filled with dreams he was inclined to remember even though they were scorched into his mind. Dreams of his Uncle advancing on him, raping him, hoping to free him from his freakish desires. Dreams of Voldemort joining in and taking advantage of his desires. Ron and Hermione's anger at being ignored and rebuffed made them join in on the beatings, sneering down at him laughing at his pain. Halfway through the night he woke shuddering and locked in a cold sweat. Unable to fall back asleep he stood and walked over to the bookcase to choose another book to read. The one he chose this time was another classic but this one was different. 'The Wizard of Oz.' He took the book back to the couch and sat reading by fire light for hours until he heard Snape rise and come out to go to the bathroom.

Before he could make it, however, he caught sight of Harry sitting and once again nearing completion of one of his books. He turned to face Harry. "How early did you rise this morning to have gotten that far in yet another book, Mr. Potter?" Harry, having just finished it, put it down and looked slightly sheepish. "I don't know the exact time but I would assume that I have been awake for around two hours." Snape seemed to glare at him. "And why did you find it necessary to wake that early?" Harry sighed. "I woke up and I could fall back asleep so instead of just sitting here and doing nothing productive with my time I decided to read." Snape nodded and continued on his way to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later found Snape leaving the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair was still wet and it was dripping wet rivulets down his chest. Harry caught himself starring before Snape noticed and he stood to go into the bathroom now that it was free. While Snape was in his room dressing for the day Harry was in the bathroom starring at the razor that Snape had used to shave. He recalled how he had starred at Snape's wet body and brought it to his stomach. He cut only once, for he caught himself fast enough in his starring for that to be a sufficient punishment. Watching as the blood dripped down his stomach and either landed in the small bush of coarse hair between his legs or dripped down the legs themselves. He walked towards the shower and turned the water on waiting for it to become hot. When it had reached a comfortable heat he stepped in and began to clean himself off. Relishing the stinging pain as the water his the fresh cut.

Sometime later he stepped out of the steaming bathroom, the towel around his waist doing nothing to hide his newest cut. Snape looked up from his place at the chair that also faced the door and saw it. His eyes tightened slightly but that was the only reaction he showed. Harry also saw that his trunk was placed on the coffee table. He walked over and opened it, looking for something suitable to wear. He settled on a pair of black Tripp pants with green accents and a black T-shirt that said 'Shut Up! Shut Up you stupid voices! If you don't I'll poke you with a Q-Tip again…' He grabbed them and returned to the bathroom to change into them.

When he returned there was a plate off eggs with baked bread on the coffee table next to his trunk. Sitting on the couch he began to eat, knowing full well that Snape was itching to ask him about his newest cut and also knowing that if he told him the truth he would be disgusted. He decided to tell him most off the truth. He finished as much of the food as he could which really wasn't much. He only ate a couple mouthfuls of the eggs and two or three bites of bread, before he sat back and looked at Snape, indicating that he was ready for the interrogation. Snape looked at him. "Well, are you going to explain or are simply going to sit there all day looking insolent?"

Harry sighed. "Most if not all of the times I have cut it was because I either felt myself growing attracted to another male of having dreams involving men in compromising situations. It is wrong, or so I have been taught, therefore I need to be punished for having such unclean, uncouth and disgusting thoughts. I simply had another dream last night and needed to clean my system of it." Snape's eyes widened slightly as he listen to Harry thoughts on homosexuality. "Potter…" He started but Harry cut in. "Harry, if we are going to be living together you might as well start calling me by my first name. It's Harry." Snape appraised him with new eyes. "Very well, you may call me Severus if you so desire. Anyways. Harry, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to other men. It is entirely natural, there is no need for you to punish yourself for it." Seeing Harry's doubt at his statement he continued. "Harry, look at me. Do you think I am disgusting, wrong or unclean? No? Well, judging by your previous comment I should expect you to think that of me for I am gay."

Harry's eyes widened. If Severus was gay did that mean that it was ok, that there was nothing wrong with it? Could he allow himself to believe that it was natural for him to feel this way? "Harry, who made you think that homosexuality is wrong?" Harry looked down at his hands and he began to shiver, not from the cold, but from the onslaught of memories he had. When he came out of his daze he saw Severus' worried face peering into his own. He attempted to smile to help assuage his worries but all he could muster was a grimace. He sighed and leaned back into the couch before looking at Severus in the eye. "I am really sorry but I am just not ready to talk about this, not now." He had started to shiver again and Severus, following pure instincts, sat beside him and pulled him into his arms. Harry gave no reaction to have felt him do so bar a subtle release of the tension throughout his body.

Later on found them both in the storage room moving around the many boxes and organizing all of the things within them. They organized for quite sometime before they had decided what was to be kept and what was to be removed. Most of things were old broken furniture and letters sent while Severus was at Hogwarts as a student. All of that was thrown out and the rest were potion ingredients that he not gotten around to moving down to his lab. There were three boxes of ingredients. Severus turned to Harry. "Do you think you could handle carrying one of those boxes down to the lab with me?" Harry nodded and grabbed the one closest to him. They both left the storage room, which just so happened to the room the farthest away form the couch, and brought them into the only remaining door. Severus opened the door and they both headed down the stairs into the lab. They both placed their boxes on the long counter before beginning to empty them.

Once they were emptied they began working together to bottle them and place them with the others off their kind. When it was all done Severus turned to Harry. "Thank you for helping me with this." Harry nodded. "It was no trouble." They both headed back up the stairs and returned to the now empty storage room. They both looked around before Severus once again turned to Harry. "Do you know how you would like it to look?" Harry thought for a moment before nodding slowly. "Do you want me to tell you so you can do it or should I do it myself." Severus looked around once more. "I think you would be more likely to get what you want if you were to do it yourself but if you need help I'll be right here." Harry nodded and began casting spells.

Soon the walls and ceiling were all colored the deepest of blacks and the floor was covered with a thick carpet of black. The armoire and desk were also colored black as was the chair sitting in front of the desk. The bed was fairly large and was black covered with a black comforter and black pillows with silver edges. There was a small table next to the bed that was also black that had a silver wizarding lamp that was shaped similar to a lava lamp in the muggle world with a small ball of glowing light sitting on top that would change its brightness according to the needs of the person occupying the room. All in all it was rather dark but very nice and comforting.

Harry nodded once seemingly please with how it turned out before turning to head out to the main area to join Severus who had left while he was working, giving him some privacy. Once he was out there he grabbed his trunk and nodded at Severus as if to say he could come and look if he wanted to. He did and he followed Harry into the room. He looked around admiring the room as Harry put all of his clothes away in the armoire and his books and other stationary devises on the desk.

"Nice choices in color Harry." Severus smirked at Harry's slight blush. "They may be darker than expected for the _boy-who-lived_" Harry sneered, "But I find them comforting." Severus nodded and they both left to go to the living area once more. Harry sat once again on the couch, as did Severus on his chair. "I believe that it is a bit to late to start teaching you which is a bonus seeing as it is Sunday. We will start your classes tomorrow, however I would like to talk. Care to choose a subject Harry?" Harry thought for a moment before speaking up. "Why were you chosen to be the captain of the swimming teams? I don't mean to be rude, I'm just curious." Severus smiled a very small smile. "Don't worry Harry, it is fine. I was chosen because Dumbledore did the same thing when I was a student here and I was the school champion. He thought it to be a good idea to have me be the captain because of that." Harry's eyes widened. "Really? Wow. So, seeing as I did try out… kind of, the other day. How did I do?" Severus sat back a bit. "Surprisingly well, you had good form and your strokes were perfect. I haven't seen swimming like that since I was a swimmer." Harry blushed at the obvious compliment and Severus smirked.

"So, Harry, what did you think of 'The Wizard of Oz', I didn't get a chance to ask you about it this morning." Harry smiled. "It was good, a bit childish but it was nice to read it. The scarecrow reminded me of Hermione and her obsessive need for knowledge whereas the tin man reminded me of Dumbledore and his idea that love can conquer all things. Dorothy reminded me of myself, all I have ever wanted was a place to call home and I always want to return to Hogwarts when I am at my relatives, so I consider this a home of sorts. The cowardly lion reminded me of Neville, though. The clumsiness and the fear is so like him, always wanting to make his grandmother proud and be brave without realizing that he has the potential…It was nice to read about something like that but the mental picture of me throwing water on Volde…sorry, Tom and to see him screaming that he's melting was quite enjoyable." He smiled. "Of course, who could forget the flying monkeys that reminded me so well of the Death Eaters…well, most Death Eaters." He chanced a small glance at Severus. "It was a really good book, enlightening."

Severus smirked. "It is nice to find someone who can talk about books for such a length of time, I think this might become a routine. I wouldn't mind talking to you about the books you read." Harry smiled. "I would like that, but I am getting tired and I would really like to get to bed if we're going to start our lessons tomorrow." Severus nodded. "Of course Harry, I will see you in the morning. Good night." Harry and Severus both stood and made their way to their respective bedrooms. That night his nightmare were no better and he woke up dreadfully early once again only to find that he couldn't go back to sleep. He rose and left the room to find yet another book.

This time he returned to his room with the book Black Beauty. He sat and read for hours until he finished it. When he exited his room to put it away he saw Severus already showered and dressed sitting on his chair eating some breakfast. He looked up at Harry as he was putting the book away. "Couldn't sleep again, Harry?" He nodded. "What book was it this time?" Harry saw on the couch. "Black Beauty." Severus smiled. 'Ah, another classic, and what did you think of this one?" Harry's smile fell a bit. "It was touching, and yet terribly sad because you heard about the abuse literally from the horse's mouth and I could do nothing to stop it and all I could do was think about my past how similar they were and I wish that someone would come and rescue me but I know that no one will but then I think of you and I wonder if you are that someone who is going to rescue me and…and…I can't help but think about what happened to me and think that I should have been able to stop it, able to push him off, force him away and I couldn't! I was so weak and pathetic…how can the world expect me to save it when I can't even stop my muggle uncle…" Tears had bloomed in Harry's eyes and slipped down his cheeks. Severus came and sat beside him, taking Harry's face into his hands. He knew what had happened to him; it wasn't that hard to figure out when you wee looking for the answers and the clues.

"You are not pathetic and you most certainly not weak. You are one of the strongest people I have the pleasure of knowing and I don't want you to forget that, ever. No Harry, look at me. You are what you are and there is nothing you can do to change that. You must learn to accept that you are attracted to men and move on. You are a very attractive young man; you should have no trouble finding someone who will want you. I will always be here, beside you, to help you along, no matter how hard things may seem, you can always just stop for a minute and lean on my shoulder." Harry looked at him right in the eye. "What if I don't want some boy who thinks they know me, what if I don't want someone who only wants me for my name, fame or body! I want someone who understands what it's like to be judged and shunned, I want someone who isn't afraid to tell me I'm being an idiot, I want someone who can look into my eyes and not fear what they'll see…I want…I want you."

Harry looked down at his hands and seemed to curl in on himself, it appeared as if he realized exactly what he had said, and was preparing to be hit. Severus lifted the boy's chin and forced him to look into his eyes. "Harry, don't ever think that I am going to hit you but…why do you want me? You could have any man in the world, why choose a filthy old Death eater spy?" Harry looked at him in shock, he never would have thought that Severus thought if himself like that. "I want you because you have a past, you have a character and you have a purpose. Just sitting here talking to you like a human being brings me more happiness than talking to anyone else ever has. You are beautiful and your mind compels me. I don't love you, I don't know what that means, but I do know that I care for you. A lot."

Severus hesitated before bringing his lips to touch Harry's softly. He pulled back and looked into Harry's eyes. "Harry, you realize that were are going to have to keep this a secret from everyone until you turn seventeen. Are you prepared to do that?" Harry nodded smiling softly. "I have been hiding things from people my entire life, I'm sure one more thing wont be that much of a an issue, besides, I'm living down here now, it shouldn't be that hard to find time to spend with each other." Severus smirked before kissing him again softly.

He pulled away once again. "Don't think that this is going to make your lessons any easier. We are going to start with Transfiguration." Harry smirked at Severus before heading to his room to get his books, some parchment, quills and ink. He returned as prepared for a day of class. The day passed fairly quickly. They did Transfiguration for an hour, then Charms and Herboligy theory before they had lunch. They then continued with history of Magic and Potions until they had supper and settled down to talk. Severus, for once, sat on the couch leaning against one of the arms with one leg on the couch and the other on the floor. Harry sat between his legs, leaning against his chest.

"What would you like to talk about tonight Harry?" Severus asked while wrapping his arms around him. Harry snuggled into his embrace and sighed. "I think I'm ready to talk about my nightmares…" Severus tightened his hold on Harry. "They normally start out with distorted memories of Vernon raping or beating me except it's worse, so much worse because in the nightmares my body betrays me and I like it and he know it. He exploits it, calling me a dirty whore and a slut…then Vernon changes to V…Tom and he rapes me saying that if I liked it so much I should join him where he would be able to give that to me all the time…Then they team up and start beating me, I never know why and Ron and Hermione show up laughing and sneering down at me as I'm beaten and I wake up with their laughter ringing in my ears…I can never seem to fall asleep after that…"

Severus hugged him close. "I am never going to let you go back there Harry, never. You are never going to have to live or deal with that sick man again, not if I have anything to say about it." Harry smiled and snuggled into the embrace. "I know." "My past was much the same as yours Harry. My father was a muggle by the name of Tobias. He too, thought that homosexuality was wrong and tried to beat it and the magic out of me until he decided to rape me so that I could never think of having sex again without thinking of the pain he had inflicted upon me…it was terrible because the only person who noticed that something was wrong was Lucius Malfoy and he brought me to Tom, telling me that He was the best way to get revenge on my father. He lied to me, but I only figured that out after I had been initiated and I ran to Dumbledore. He helped me to realize that my life wasn't over and that I could still be useful. I became a spy for the Order...I still think that I am a horrible person for falling for such blatant tricks but then I remember that without me the Order would have next to no information…I am useful now. I have a purpose."

Harry turned around in the embrace and pressed his lips to Severus' lightly but Severus quickly made it much more forceful. He pushed Harry until he was lying on his back with Severus on top of him. He continued to kiss Harry fervently for a while before moving to his neck, liking and biting it, marking it as his, enjoying the moans that mewls that Harry was making. He quickly ridded Harry and himself of their shirts before continuing to lick and nip his way down the young man's chest. He took one of Harry's nipples into his mouth and Harry let out the most delectable gasp. He let it go and continued down until he was flicking his tongue into his bellybutton once before continuing down once again. He looked up at Harry to make sure that he wasn't over stepping any boundaries but the look in Harry's eyes was enough to tell him to continue. He pulled Harry's pants and underwear down in one go before quickly swallowing him to the root.

Harry let out a deep moan and Severus began to slide his tongue up the underside of the sensitive flesh before humming around him. Harry let out a gasping moan at the feeling. He pulled his head up to suck only on the tip and he dug his tongue into the split there. Harry let another keening moan as Severus began to massage his balls with his hands before swallowing him once more and beginning to suck hard. Before Harry could even register what was happening he was moaning Severus' name as he came within the very man's mouth. Gasping and shuddering with the after effects of his orgasm he barely noticed Severus sliding up his body once more until they were face to face. "That… was… amazing." Harry panted. Severus smirked. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." Before leaning down to kiss him.

When Severus stood they both knew that they weren't ready to sleep in the same bed quite yet. Harry was still prone to having flashbacks. They kissed once more before they headed to their respective rooms. Strangely that night there were fewer nightmares for Harry. This time his body didn't react to Vernon and Voldemort never turned up. When he woke it wasn't nearly as early as the past two days and instead of grabbing a book he simply headed to the bathroom to have a shower. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice someone opening the shower door until they were right behind him placing kisses along his neck. He let out a moan before turning around to face Severus. He kissed him brutally, shoving him up against the shower wall and when he pulled away Severus was panting harshly. "I believe that it is your turn." Before Severus could ask what he was talking about he was on his knees in front of him.

He slowly ran his tongue along the underside of Severus' shaft before taking the tip into his mouth. He began to suck while caressing the slit with his tongue before suddenly swallowing him to the root adoring the moan Severus let out. He continued to suck and lick him like he was a lollipop until he came with a shout of Harry's name. Harry stood and kissed him before they both continued to clean. They left the shower for their respective rooms to dress before coming out to have some breakfast. Harry was dressed in a pair of baggy black plants that had zippers and chains everywhere along with a black long sleeved shirt that said 'I'm schizophrenic' on the front and 'me too!' on the back. When Severus saw the full extent of what the shirt said he let out a snort of laughter to which Harry only smirked.

They had a quick breakfast before starting up that day's lesson. They had Defense Against the Dark Arts then Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures. After lunch they had Divination, loathe both them to either teach or learn and Potions. After dinner they both sat to read for a little while before beginning to talk. Severus continued his David Copperfield book whereas Harry started reading 'Pride and Prejudice.' They read until Harry had finished his book, which, considering the book's size, didn't take long. Severus marked his place in his book. "So, what did you think of it Harry?" Harry sat in thought for a moment. "Well, it kind of reminded me of us…we both had our opinions set in stone and yet you continued to save me and I continued to wish to be in your presence until we both overcame our prejudices and admitted out feelings…. It was a very well written book." Severus smiled. "I agree, I do enjoy reading Jane Austin, she has such a way with romance…. it's quite disturbing actually." Harry laughed and kissed him softly before snuggling down in his embrace.

The next day dawned early, for Harry at least. His night had been plagued by visions but he couldn't seem to be able to remember what he saw. He left the bedroom and went for a shower before dressing in large black and red pinstripe pants with a plain black long sleeved shirt with a tight male black corset with electric blue accents. As he was leaving his room fully dressed he caught sight of the bathroom door closing, it appeared that Severus had woken early as well. He wandered over to the bookcase and grabbed a book filled with stories and poems by Edgar Alan Poe and began to read the story 'The Black Cat.' He finished that one and began to read 'The Tell-Tale Heart.' He just finished that one when Severus exited his rooms. Noticing the book he was reading he smirked. "Well, which ones did you read?" Harry smiled and stood to put the book back. Sitting once again on the couch together Harry sighed. "I read 'The Black Cat' and 'The Tell-Tale Heart.'" Severus rested his chin on the crown of Harry's head. "And what did you think of them?"

"Well, in 'The Black Cat' I had some trouble deciding whether he was insane or if there was some sort of spell on the cat…It was really good though. How his mood would slowly change and how he thought the cat to be behind it all. I loved the part when he went to kill the cat but he killed his wife instead…whereas in 'The Tell-Tale Heart' it spoke of guilt. How as you sit and let things fester they grow and grow until you can't handle what it is you are denying…He's amazing." Severus tightened his grip. "Indeed he is. Well, let's have some breakfast and start today's lessons shall we?" Harry stood. "Sounds great."

Unfortunately before they could start their lessons something happened, something that no one, not even the Headmaster, was expecting. The wards around Hogwarts fell with a resounding siren, alerting Dumbledore of the changes. Dumbledore flooed into Severus' chambers, knowing that Harry was there. "Harry, my boy, he's here, Voldemort is here…. it is time." He said gravely looking at Harry with sad eyes. Harry stood and nodded. He turned to look at Severus, saying all that needed to be said with his eyes. He then turned back to Dumbledore, nodded and ran from the room.

He ran the entire way to the grounds where Voldemort was waiting for him. Instead of stopping in front of him, however, Harry just continued to run and tackled Voldemort to the ground. As he ran he let all of the hate and anger for not only Voldemort but for everything that has ever happened to him to course through his veins. Once he had Voldemort on the ground he began to tear him apart with his bear hands. Voldemort began to scream for his Death Eaters to stop him as he saw bits and pieces of himself flying through the air. Yet, no one came to rescue him for they were all terrified of the deranged young man throwing pieces of skin and entrails around as if it were confetti. The look on Harry's face was pure joy and he ripped out Voldemort's still beating heart and threw it into the air behind him. He continued to open his entire chest and abdomen and remove all of the organs there.

Severus slowly walked up behind Harry, hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder. "Harry, I think you can stop now…he's dead." Harry turned to look at him, blood streaked on his face, a joyous smile crossing his lips. "Are you sure?" Severus knelt down beside him. "Yes Harry, I am positive. Come, let's get you cleaned up." Instead of moving, however, he opted rub his blood soaked hands together and look up and Severus through his lashes somewhat. "Blood would make a wonderful lubricant…" Harry said lowly before reaching up to kiss Severus. Severus, understanding what Harry wanted and strangely feeing no need to deny him, began to kiss him forcefully, pushing him to the ground before beginning to take his clothes off and lick and bite him everywhere he could reach. Harry began to moan and arch into the ministrations barely noticing when he became fully undressed or when Severus undressed himself.

Severus reached a hand into the gapping whole in Voldemort's body and coated his fingers in the viscous blood before slowly sliding his middle one into Harry. He gasped at the intrusion and Severus gave him a minute to adjust before beginning to move it and add another blood-coated finger. Harry soon began to moan and when Severus began to work four fingers inside of him he let out a gasping moan. Severus then removed his fingers and coated his long and hard cock in the blood of the enemy before sinking himself into Harry. They both moaned at the feeling but Severus stilled when he was fully sheathed to allow Harry to adjust. Only when Harry growled for him to move did he oblige. Long, slow and deep thrusts were what they started with but as the pressure and the pleasure began to build they began to become more erratic. When they finally came it was explosive and both cried out the other's name.

They lay together, covered is sweat, blood and cum completely uncaring of the fact that there was a dead body next to them. Severus kissed Harry softly before Apparating them both back to his chambers. This was possible due to the fact that the wards were down. Safe in the comfort of Severus' bed they fell asleep.

A/N: holy shit…I was not expecting that ending. I was talking to Cozy and I got a mental picture of Harry throwing pieces of Voldemort around like confetti and then blood is really slippery and …and…well, you know what happened. The original version was far too rushed so I re-wrote the ending. I know I should be writing the second chapter for CMLG but I just had to fix this. Hope you like the new version with a grand total of 8 extra pages. **Smirk** I know I enjoyed writing it. Review.

Kate


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